Tame your inner critic (become your own best cheerleader)
- Janelle Kee-Sue
- 5 days ago
- 9 min read
Most of us have that little voice inside our heads—the one that chimes in with doubts, critiques, and “what ifs.”
For many people, especially ambitious and introspective ones, this inner critic is loud, persistent, and sometimes relentless.
Whether it's whispering “you’re not good enough,” “you don’t belong in this room,” or “you’re going to fail,” the inner critic can keep us stuck in cycles of perfectionism, overthinking, and self-doubt.
But here’s the truth:
Your inner critic isn’t trying to ruin your life. It’s trying to protect you—just in a very outdated and unhelpful way.
The good news? With the right tools grounded in psychology, neuroscience, and proven coaching techniques, you can shift that critical voice into a powerful inner ally.
Let’s dive into the science behind your inner critic—and exactly how to transform it.
The psychology & neuroscience of the inner critic
Say hello to the inner critic and the mind’s negativity bias
Neuroscience tells us that the human brain has a negativity bias—a tendency to focus more on threats than rewards (Baumeister et al., 2001).
This was helpful in prehistoric times when avoiding danger meant survival. But today, that same system fixates on mistakes, social embarrassment and perceived failures.
Your inner critic is rooted in the amygdala, the brain's threat detection center. This is part of your ‘old brain’—the part that existed long before our thinking brains evolved.
When triggered by a fear of failure or rejection, the amygdala activates, causing the inner critic to speak up in an effort to "keep you safe."
Safe, in this case, often means small, silent and unseen.
Safe means doing things the same way you’ve always done them...
Safe means not putting yourself out there, taking risks, or stepping outside your comfort zone.
Because many moons ago in the past, if you took risks you could literally die.
So, your brain wants to keep you safe. It wants you to eliminate risk and be on high alert for danger, and this is why we have an in-built negativity bias, which often shows up as our inner critic.
Inner critic = internalised voices
Psychologists often refer to the inner critic as a form of introjected authority figures—voices of parents, teachers or society that we’ve internalised.
This is a concept rooted in psychodynamic theory and supported by studies showing that critical parenting or harsh environments often create strong inner critics (Gilbert & Irons, 2005).
That means if you’ve been around people who are critical, either of you directly, themselves, or others, you’re likely to internalise that and adopt that critical pattern of thinking.
This can cause us to be very critical of ourselves and others.
Self-talk shapes self-concept
The way we speak to ourselves becomes the way we see ourselves.
According to cognitive-behavioral theory (CBT), thoughts create feelings, which drive behaviour.
Your thoughts actually have SO much power and influence in your life (and other people’s, too).
Notice how one misplaced remark from another person can plant a seed of doubt in yourself?
If one small interaction or comment has that power, just imagine what power your inner voice has.
If you’re saying negative things about and to yourself in your own head on a daily basis, it creates more of it, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You're literally programming your mind with your thoughts and the words you speak, so choose them carefully.
A persistent negative inner critic leads to a negative self-concept and view. This can lead to low confidence and self-worth, fear of failure, chronic stress, anxiety, depression and more.
Neuroplasticity = hope
But thanks to neuroplasticity, your brain is always capable of change.
Just because you’re currently wired for self-criticism, it doesn’t mean it will always be like this, due to your ability to change and rewire your own brain through self-directed neuroplasticity.
The more you practice self-compassionate, constructive inner dialogue, the more you literally rewire your brain to default to support rather than self-attack.
To leverage neuroplasticity, you need to ‘replace and repeat’, by replacing the old pattern/thought habit with the new one, and repeating this process over and over again until a neuropathway is formed and it becomes automatic, just like riding a bike.
There are also wonderful psychosensory modalities like Hypnotherapy and Somatics, which can help us to rewire our brains super fast.
How to tame your inner critic
Here are 5 evidence-based tools to shift your inner critic into your inner cheerleader:
1. Name your inner critic
Giving your critic a name (e.g., “The Judge,” “Naggy Nancy,” or “Fear Voice”) creates distance.
This is a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) called defusion, which helps reduce the power of thoughts.
For example: “Oh, there’s old Naggy Nancy at it again telling me I’m not ready. Thanks for the input, but I’m doing it anyway.”
2. Practice self-compassion daily
Research by Dr. Kristin Neff on self-compassion shows that people who are kind to themselves are more resilient, more motivated, and less likely to experience anxiety and depression than those who rely on self-criticism as a motivator.
And, according to a 2011 fMRI study, practicing self-compassion activates the brain’s soothing system (the ventral vagus nerve and parasympathetic nervous system), while self-criticism activates the threat system—similar to being physically attacked.
Use this 3-step practice by Dr. Kristin Neff:
Mindfulness/awareness: Acknowledge the inner critic is active (“This is hard. I’m feeling self-critical.”)
Common humanity: Remember you’re not alone (“Everyone struggles with self-doubt sometimes.”)
Self-kindness: Offer yourself comfort (“I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”) Reframing can be very useful here.
Repeat this practice in moments of stress to engage your soothing nervous system.
I find writing it down (like in a journal), helps a lot.
Also, accompany it with breakwork, such as deep belly breaths where you take longer on the outbreath, and somatic havening touch, to calm the amygdala and regulate the nervous system.
Use "cheerleader" self-talk
Swap inner criticism for supportive inner dialogue by giving yourself a little pep talk.
How would you cheer on a friend in the same situation? Say the same thing you’d say to a friend to yourself. EASY!
A 2020 study by the University of Michigan found that participants who used self-distancing in their internal dialogue (e.g., “You’ve got this, Sarah” vs. “I’ve got this”) experienced significantly less anxiety and better performance under stress, so be sure to use second-person or your name for maximum impact.
“You’ve done hard things before, Janelle. You’ve got this!”“Of course you're nervous. That means you care. And you’re still capable.”
Catch–Challenge–Change (CBT Tool)
When your inner critic is being a bully, here’s how you can use the Catch-Challenge-Change technique from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to stop negative self-talk and reframe your thoughts.
How it works:
Catch the critical thought (e.g. “I’m not good enough to lead this project.”)
Challenge it: Is this 100% true? What’s the evidence for and against it?
Change it to a more balanced thought: “I may feel nervous, but I’ve handled challenges like this before.” Basically reframe it, or turn it into a more empowering question, like: “What if I could do it and be successful? What if it turned out better than expected? What if I gave it my best shot?”
Why it works: Helps activate the prefrontal cortex (rational brain), reducing emotional reactivity and breaking cognitive distortions.
Speak with your inner critic
As a continuation or addition step to Catch–Challenge–Change, you can get curious and speak to your inner critic.
Your inner critic is there to protect you, remember? So by getting curious and asking what it’s trying to protect you from, you can gain a deeper understanding of why it’s doing that, which will help you to figure out how to best overcome it by putting those worries at ease.
To do this:
Ask: “What are you trying to protect me from?” This activates your prefrontal cortex (rational mind) and disarms the emotional threat.
Then thank it: “I know you’re trying to keep me safe—but I’m choosing a new way now.”
This approach is used in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and helps integrate, rather than suppress, your internal parts.
Rewire Through Repetition
The brain changes through repetition + emotion. Each time you catch the critic and consciously choose compassion, you reinforce new neural pathways.
Do this:
Writing affirmations like: “I speak to myself with kindness and courage.”
Recording voice memos of your new inner cheerleader messages and listening daily.
Anchoring a body-based movement (e.g., hand on heart) with a kind phrase to build somatic memory.
Listening to self-hypnosis recordings daily to reprogram your inner critic (like this one!).
Mirror work
When you look at yourself in the mirror, what are you saying and thinking? Often, we look out for our perceived flaws before we find reasons to be kind to ourselves.
Mirror work includes having some time with yourself in the mirror, focused on saying and thinking empowering thoughts only.
By doing this often (like every day), you will rewire your subconscious self-critical patterns associated with self-image and view, when repeating with emotion.
Proven for: Rewiring the subconscious through repetition + emotion.
How it works:
Stand in front of a mirror, hand on heart.
Speak affirmations aloud with eye contact and emotion. Example:
“I am learning to trust myself.”
“I speak to myself with compassion and courage.”
Do this daily after hypnosis while the mind is more open.
Why it works: Combining eye contact, voice, and body anchoring enhances belief through multi-sensory reinforcement.
Important to note: You need to BELIEVE what you’re saying to yourself, otherwise your inner critic/subconscious mind will reject it.
So instead of saying “I’m so beautiful”, if you don’t believe that yet, find neutral ground, by saying something like; “I can appreciate the beauty of my green eyes”, or, “I am open to the idea of believing that I am beautiful,” or “I am learning to love myself more each day.”
Whatever feels true and right for you right now, and is a stepping stone to where you want to be.
Final thoughts: You are NOT your inner critic
The inner critic may always be a part of you—but it doesn’t have to be in charge and it doesn’t have to be as loud as it probably is right now.
You get to decide what voice you give power to.
When you shift from self-attack to self-encouragement, you don’t just feel better—you perform better, connect more deeply, and finally start showing up as the version of yourself you know you can be.
So, the next time that voice says, “You can’t do it,” take a breath, put your hand on your heart, and reply:
“Maybe I’m scared. But I’m also brave. And I’m doing it anyway.”
Over to you
What does your inner critic sound like?
Which strategy above do you want to try this week?
Want support taming your inner critic and building unshakable self-confidence?
Ready to go deeper and rewire that inner voice for good?
If you’ve found this interesting and useful, imagine what could shift when you stop just understanding the problem—and start reprogramming it at the subconscious level.
Book your free consultation with me to work together 1:1, or do it yourself while being fully supported with the Tame Your Inner Critic: Self-Hypnosis Program
It’s an empowering audio-based experience to transform your inner dialogue from self-doubt to deep self-belief—morning and night.
What you’ll get:
✅ Morning Self-Hypnosis Audio – Start your day with confidence, clarity, and a supportive inner voice that has your back.
✅ Evening Self-Hypnosis Audio – Wind down, release self-judgment, and rewire your inner world while you rest.
✅ Guided Journaling Prompts – Go beyond surface-level thinking and shift old stories that fuel self-criticism.
✅ Proven Mindset Exercises – Tools grounded in neuroscience and NLP to build lasting self-trust and inner calm.
Whether your inner critic shows up as perfectionism, overthinking, imposter syndrome or harsh self-talk—this program helps you change the script.
Learn more and start the program here.
You don’t need to hustle harder to feel worthy. You just need to change the voice you’re listening to.
Start rewiring your inner critic today → JOIN PROGRAM
If this blog resonated with you, be sure to check out the Finally Thriving Podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts for more conversations on healing, growth, and reclaiming your confidence.🎙️✨
Thanks for reading! If you want more, check out my other blogs, follow me on TikTok: @janelle.keesue and Instagram: @janellekeesue.coaching
About the Author
Janelle Kee-Sue is a Transformational Coach, Hypnotherapist, NLP and Somatic Practitioner, and the host of the Finally Thriving podcast. Based in Wellington, New Zealand, Janelle specialises in helping women of all ages rebuild their confidence and self-worth—especially after toxic relationships, workplaces, or experiences that left them questioning their value.
Combining the power of the subconscious mind with science-backed tools for fast and long-lasting transformation, she empowers her clients to overcome anxiety, people-pleasing, low self-esteem, negative body image, and limiting beliefs and habits in record time so they can feel confident, calm, and in control of their lives again.
When she’s not guiding her clients through powerful life-changing shifts, you’ll find her at reformer Pilates, writing her first novel, or enjoying quiet moments with her husband Ricky and their fluffy Samoyed sidekick, Zeus.
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